Romanticised or Real? The Legacy of 90s Bollywood on Today’s Relationships
By Kireth Sandhu - November 2024
If you’ve grown up with brown skin in the Western world, Bollywood films were probably one of the main ways you connected with your heritage. There was a time where all the movies from filmmaker Karan Johar and world-famous actor Shahrukh Khan (SRK) painted romance in dazzling colours. Characters fell in love in dreamy sequences and with colourful dance, and were willing to do anything to be with their heartthrob. These stories made relationships the main focus, and all-conquering in the face of social restrictions and cultural judgements. However, as a generation that is now growing into adulthood and entering romantic relationships ourselves, are we carrying these DDLJ-level love expectations into our own lives? How did growing up on these films change our own standards and expectations for a partner?
DDLJ: Is this attainable, and do we even want it?
Examining the On-screen Romances
Let’s briefly summarise some of the key relationships seen on-screen during these films, but from a modern adult perspective. It is ironic for a nation as conservative as India that romantic fantasy film Dilwale Dulhania Le Jayenge can be played in theatres for 25 years unbroken. There is something undeniably enthralling in the breaking of societal norms for romance, but just how far do these films go?
In Dilwale Dulhania Le Jayenge, SRK’s Raj is a flirt and Simran is only allowed to chase him onto a train by her father after he is beaten near to death for misleading the family. In Kabhi Khushi Kabhie Gham... millionaire tycoon father Yash is quickly forgiven for exiling his eldest son from the family for over a decade purely on the basis of the life partner he chose. In Kuch Kuch Hota Hai, SRK’s Rahul is in a bizarre love triangle. His wife is pregnant and will not survive the childbirth and decides to name her yet-to-be-born child after the woman who crushed on her husband years ago. She then leaves letters for the child when she grows older, encouraging her daughter to assist her husband in pursuing his old flame romantically.
A similar love triangle exists in Kal Ho Naa Ho, but with SRK’s Aman being the one who arranges his friend Rohit with Naina, the girl he’s in love with who also has feelings for him. This is because he’s dying of cancer, yet the film ends with him promising Rohit that he gets Naina for this lifetime, while Aman will be with her in the next.
Where Bollywood Fell Short
Unfortunately, these films tended to frame love in terms of conquest rather than partnership. Loving someone is different to pining after them. To truly appreciate your partner you need to understand who they are, especially their flaws, not just the vision you have of them. Both people also open up after time and change over the course of a relationship.
In the previous movies, the story ends when our leads are publicly affirmed in their love for one another by acceptance of their relationship or implied marriage. Karan Johar attempted to explore his romantic themes more maturely in Kabhi Alvida Naa Kehna, but the key romance in the film unwittingly promotes extramarital affairs as two marriages (including kids) are broken by the two leads in the pursuit of their “true love”.
Admittedly, this is applying a cold-hearted lens to the relationships featured in these romance films. The stories have emotional sequences and heart-stirring moments which are part of the reason they have been so impactful to brown pop culture. However, as young individuals navigating our own modern romances today we must find the balance between vibrant fantasy and realistic expectations when dating.
A trio that delivered these impactful films: Kajol, Karan Johar and Shahrukh Khan
Taking the Best from Bollywood’s Bold Romances
There are still a lot of positives that come out of these generational Bollywood hits; such as defying cultural norms when you have a genuine connection, being selfless to let others find their love, and always having hope for a happy ending no matter what. But this should be balanced with a modern dating lens on these films. Women aren’t objects to pursue, it is important to respect boundaries when becoming close to your partner’s family and friends and we should be realistic in what we expect from another person and the relationship.
Perhaps most importantly, the relationship doesn’t end when two people are publicly accepted for their romantic status. That’s actually when a real relationship starts. It takes weeks, months and years of communication, trust, compromise and enjoyment in the daily mundanity of life to have a successful romance - something that can’t be captured by a 2.5 hour saga with song and dance. However, we at Melanin Magazine would still want you to accept the odd romantic hum or wedding dance in your relationship 😉 .
